On Friendship…..

This is a something I’ve wanted to write about for a while, but struggled with finding the right words, not sure if I could adequately describe what’s in my heart, and whether or not it would come across as self-indulgent….but maybe all blogging is self-indulgent anyway, so, here goes….

Life teaches us that time is precious….sometimes that lesson is delivered in really tough circumstances, perhaps with the loss of someone who is important to us. If we’re lucky, we learn this early, and well, and live our lives accordingly….we love well, wholeheartedly, and we give others that most precious gift, our time….even when it’s at a personal cost, because we are invested in that person, that relationship, that friendship. I am so very, very grateful for the many, many gifts of time from friends, as well as the beautiful, thoughtful acts of kindness and friendship that I’ve been lucky enough to experience. There are moments that I’ll never, ever forget when people showed up for me, had my back and helped me through….not through grand gestures or extravagant acts, but by taking a few minutes to check in, share a laugh or some kind words and, essentially, share that precious thing….time. I truly hope that I have been a good friend in return.

As this year concludes, I’ve come to the incredibly sad realisation that 2 relationships that I truly believed were rock solid, long-standing friendships were not that at all, it’s time to let them go, and it hurts, really hurts. To be honest, I feel like a bit of an eejit, the slow horrible realisation dawning that the gift of my time, and caring, and love, was not really reciprocated….that it was just convenient, or fun, or the best option at the time, useful perhaps, but, essentially, a one-way street, where I’ve ended up feeling let down. Tomorrow is this year’s only super moon, a really good time to let things go. I don’t regret anything, and will continue to throw my whole self into friendships (not sure I have a half-way button!), but maybe with a little more thought for my now somewhat scarred heart.

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